I’m nervous about writing this post but I know that I have to. This post is full of things that I need to say, things that need clearing up and also some information that I honestly don’t know where else to put.
For me, mentally, this post is my way of releasing the cords that are holding me back, letting the sun set on some things and just generally moving on to the next adventure in my life!
I understand that not all of you will read this post all of the way through and I’m okay with that so let me start by confirming that I will be doing Blogmas this year, almost immediately after this post is published the first of my Blogmas posts will also be publishing so if you want to click here and read that instead then feel free!)
So, let’s talk about 2016.
This year has been difficult for me for so many different reasons that I don’t want to go into because I don’t even know where to start when talking about them.
My depression reached its climax this year and honestly there were times when I questioned whether I would make it to the end of the year (granted it is only December 1st as I write this and I could get hit by a bus between now and December 31st, but c’mon Universe please don’t troll me like that.)
I’m glad though that as I sit here on 1st December 2016 I can say with absolute certainty that I am 100% free of antidepressants and for now at least my depression isn’t a problem for me, it’s still there, lurking in the shadows, and it probably always will be, but for now it isn’t a problem and I think…. I think… I think I’m really… truly… genuinely… ha… happ… happy?!
I intend to do absolutely everything I can to make sure that my depression stays away this time, I’m under no illusions that it’s going to be easy and I’m fully aware of the fact that depression can and may well rear its ugly head at any time like it has done in the past and catch me completely off guard, but honestly something feels different this time.
I think I know what the difference is too, I feel stronger this time.
I feel strong enough to tell the people that are dragging me down that I don’t want them in my life anymore, I feel strong enough to stand up to my bullies and point out that I was right when I said that bullies never actually win and I feel strong enough to stand up to my depression and say BYE FELICIA.. .
Thank you to the people that have contributed to my depression, I’m grateful that you took the time out of your own lives to do so but I’m sorry to inform you that you were unsuccessful in your attempts to drag me down and bully me. Thank you for being a part of my journey but you’re not relevant to my life and you never have been.
Now that’s over with let me address a few other things…
This year has been a nightmare as well for my blog, I have had countless technical problems and site crashes that have held me back.
As you may be aware in April 2016 I removed all of the posts that I had published so far in 2016 with the intention of reposting them with their newly recorded audio versions.
I was unsuccessful in my efforts to do this as every time I attempted to repost I could post a few posts and then my site would crash again and consequently it was November before I even managed to get most of my January posts reposted.
I had intended to repost all of the remaining posts from this year in December along with my December blog posts meaning that I would have 665 posts to post in December but honestly I am so over 2016.
I don’t want to keep working to publish posts that I wrote during bad periods of my life because when I see those posts I still remember what I was feeling when I wrote them and so I have decided to abandon my reposting efforts and just focus on the future!
Because I still need a little bit of time to recover from the trauma that 2016 has been for me in December the only posts that I will be publishing will be 4 Blogmas posts each and every day and I will start fresh in January with a full and brand new posting schedule!
I would like to thank you for sticking with me over the last year despite all of the technical problems I have had, the occasional lack of posts and my general mood, it means more to me than you’ll ever know.
One more thing that I need to address is Black Moon Marketing. As of November 2016 I am no longer working with Black Moon Marketing or in anyway affiliated with them.
I decided that as fun as it was working with Black Moon Marketing I would prefer to dedicate all of my time to my blog, my poetry anthology, novel and other exciting projects that I am currently working on but I wish the Black Moon Marketing team well with everything that they do in the future.
I think that’s all that I have to say, I’m so happy that 2016 is almost over, I’m looking forward to the future and everything that it holds.
As I look to my future all I can see is bright and happy times ahead, I’m sure that there will be a little turbulence at times, but I think that I am strong enough now to deal with whatever comes my way.
So, my seat belt is fastened, my tray table is up and I’m ready for the next adventure of my life to begin…
Here is the audio version of this post on SoundCloud.